Autumn Is Here

Summer is gone and the cool autumn air has begun to usher in. My family and I had a wonderful Summer, we brought it in and really spent a lot of wonderful quality time together. We spent many days at the local pool soaking in the sun and we went on a lovely trip out to Big Sky Country (Montana), where we walked in the beauty of mother nature, fed and pet horses and soaked up the mountain air while swimming in natural hot springs. I got to go by myself (NO KIDS) to my old stomping grounds in California and see so many people and places that I love. I haven’t enjoyed summer this much since I was young and free of obligations.

I also created ALOT this summer….Some days it felt like my hands coulnd’t keep up with my mind fast enough. All the ideas that were pouring out of my heart space kept me feeling light and airy. This powerful journey of creativity and the alignment with my creative genius has carried over into the beginnings of fall and a new season of work is being birthed through my hands. Combining my love of both ceramics and fibers, I’ve begun making wall hangings, which have initially been for my own house, but am so very excited to begin making them custom for people’s homes and places of business. I feel so full and grateful for this new venture that is so rooted in a passion of mine for over 20 years now.

And with all the creative energy that has been manifesting from this body and the turning of a new season also comes the mind fuck that goes along with it.

Will people like what I am doing?

Am I worthy to be selling my work?

Is it ok to allow my heart to be open in this way for people to truly see me?

Am I safe?

The fear of being seen; of allowing my creative genius to have its own voice in the world. These old societal patterns have been resurfacing within this body like eggs from a short order cook. I feel like I have been riding the ways of my first, second and third chakra’s; simultaneously rooting myself in and owning my place in this world while exploring my creativity, confidence and worthiness. It’s been quite interesting to say the least; and as October truly sets in and the change in weather and turning of the leaves happens so too comes a period of refection, intuition and introspection. The veil is so very thin this time of year and always marks a period of significance for me and for many of us. Things always seem to transpire during this time that have great lasting impact and bring up some of the deepest shadows within us that are ready to heal. This fall is no different and certain things have come to light with in my family that has me being witness to and a part of a GREAT healing, which intern makes one question their own fate and the time that they have left here on this precious earth plane; and while my soul knows all is well and perfect and everything is unfolding as it should; my body hasn’t quite caught up to this.

The ability to create and to create for myself and others however; is what keeps my body in a state of homeostasis and has me feeling oddly at peace within this transition and healing. I am so grateful that almost a year ago I embarked on the journey to re-discover my friend genius. I am so thankful that I listened to my soul when it told me to make this a major priority in my life. My creative genius is helping to remind me on a daily basis of ALL that is beautiful, wonderful and loving in this world. It is what is helping me to see the silver lining and the healing that is taking place in even the darkest of spaces.

I am so very grateful.

The Summer of Bringing It In

Matt and I are dubbing this Summer, “The Summer of Bringing It In.” While life has been good and flowing along, there are areas that we don’t feel we have been operating in total alignment. There were gaps in our days where are desire to be intentional with our time was going out the window. We all do it and when we begin to create more space and time for ourselves, its very easy to fill it up with more stuff that doesn’t fill us up. So therefor the “Summer of Bringing It In” begins.

We’ve sat down and really looked at what our priorities are, what our desires are. Not someone else’s desire’s, but ours and only ours. That is another thing we do as humans; when we aren’t being intentional, we accidentally/unintentionally begin or continue to live out other people’s dreams. When this happens you wake up one day and realize you’ve been living a life carefully curated for someone else. We’ve all done this in one way or another.

So what does the “Summer of Bringing It in” look like for our little family. Well we’ve come up with some morning and night routines that flow and feel good. Routines that feel like we are really getting time together and that the kids are getting parents who are present and available. Putting the phones away during these precious times. We have decided to not plan a bunch of trips to other places, but to take this Summer to really explore our own city. We’ve lived here for two years and because of the chaos of a new place, new baby, new home; we havne’t really taken advantage of our new life the way we have wanted to. More trips to the river, walks in nature and canoeing on the James. More Evening playdate’s with the neighbors and BBQ’s with friends and family. More quiet moments of stillness; sitting on the front porch enjoying a good book and a cup of tea.

We have made our finances more of a priority, because in order to truly have financial freedom, we really need to understand the reality of what our financial situation is. While I consider us very blessed and Matt’s business has developed into something we are very proud of; no matter how much “more” money you have flowing in, if you aren’t conscious of it and aren’t curating and cultivating an honest and open relationship with money, it goes just as fast as it comes. And while money does not create happiness, when you are financially stable and able to meet all of your needs and desires, life feels ALOT better. It’s interesting how getting honest with your financial situation can actually feel super liberating and more freedom is created from that.

So the “Summer of Bringing It In” begins. We are on week two of a more structured routine and from that structure we are all feeling more at ease. There have been more moments of complete alignment, where we are all happily doing what we want; sometimes together and sometimes not. The chaos and confusion has died down significantly and life feels more graceful than it has in a long time. While I was initially disappointed to not travel much this Summer, because I LOVE TO TRAVEL, I also see how bringing it in this Summer is going to help create such a strong foundation for more adventure in the future. So until then I will enjoy our adventures here in Richmond and I won’t take for granted the simple and beautiful moments that happen within our home and only steps from it..

Once again I have my beautiful genius to thank for this, she helped me to get quiet and that helped my family to get quiet and here we are; being super intentional and creating a life that speaks to us and no one else.

Growth Period

I turned 39 a few weeks ago. Not necessarily a milestone birthday, we certainly didn’t do anything fancy for it; however this birthday has felt significantly different from the rest. There is an understanding of self, an integrating of the soul and the ego, and a letting go that has been transpiring within this body that has never quite happened before. Ive talked a lot through out this blog about the quieting that has happened since beginning my journey of rediscovering my genius, I think its been this quiet that has truly allowed me to integrate all my selves…ego and all. It feels wildly uncomfortable at times and insanely liberating all in the same breath.

Because of this, I haven’t written anything this month. Every time I went to share it all felt too much to be able to put into words. I was “in it” over these last few weeks. In a growth period that has felt like a storm, tossing me around emotionally like a piece of paper in the wind. On the outside all was well, life just kept moving forward as it always does, but inside it was like everything froze except the frenzy in my heart space. I lost my way a bit, and I forgot how very divinely connected I am. I forgot that all is perfect and exactly as it should be. I’ve been trying to force my future be something based on my past, instead of allowing it to be what it desires to be; something new and refreshing. It’s like i’ve been trying to put on shoes that no longer fit my feet; pushing and shoving, instead of passing them on gently to someone whose feet fit just right.

While growth periods are extremely uncomfortable and I’d sometimes rather not experience them….EVER, I also know through experience, that they are SO IMPORTANT. So today I come to the surface, on the other side of the storm and in my new clarity I realize that today I am going to the store and I am going to buy myself the shiniest, brightest pair of new shoes that fit just right! While my past serves me greatly and has helped me to cultivate all the experience and wisdom I have to date, it is not what I should base my future on. My future wants space to breath and be. It wants new experiences and creative endeavors. It wants to go to new places and when it visits the old, it wants to see and experience them with new vision.

My past is gone and will never return, and for that I am very sad; however my present is solid and based on a rooted foundation, which is allowing me to create an exciting, colorful and creative future. My Genius has never been happier, she is beaming from ear to ear with all the creative energy that is now flowing. There is so much to look forward to and now that I am finally letting go, I am able to breath in the fresh Summer air and see my world for what it is….PURE GENIUS!

Authenticity

It has been a few weeks since Ive written anything. There has been a major growth period going on for me and my husband and essentially are little family. I have felt all the feels, but mostly for me growth periods are extremely uncomfortable until the bubble finally pops or the ceiling finally breaks and you can move more ease-fully into your new spaciousness, however until then shit gets funky.

I am starting to finally feel like I am almost on the other side and for me this is when the dust begins to settle and there is a new level of clarity on certain aspects of my life that begin to appear. A way of seeing things that I simply hadn’t before. Allowing my creative genius to have more of a voice within my life has inadvertently brought to the surface many old fears and belief patterns and like a ninja for the light I have been energetically trying to dispose of these fears. However what Im realizing about myself is that it is time to actually sink in, instead of run away. My fear is only as great as the power I allow it to have and when I run away from it or try to eradicate it from my life, it tends to get bigger and louder. So I have been sinking in and journeying through the shadows and in this journey I have simply found my most authentic voice.

It is scary to be our most authentic selves. It feels safer to hold parts of us back, because then if someone doesn’t like us, well we can chalk it up to, “They Didn’t ‘really’ know me.” However if we’re putting our whole selves out there, then the rejection becomes a lot more real and can be down right scary. On the flip side of this though, when we choose to put our whole self out there for people to get to know, then those that resinate with us can cultivate true love and respect with in their relationship with us, therefor deepening the connections we have within our lives.

I realize that there is a lot about what makes me unique and different that I keep to myself. Like so many of us, I am fearful of being rejected for how I see and move through the world, that I simply keep a lot to myself (until I meet someone who speaks my language, then you can’t get me to stop talking). However as I’ve been tapping in to my creative voice; to my inner genius, I have been uncovering all of these ‘hidden’ gifts that I didn’t even know I had or had simply forgotten about. Part of that is realizing that it is in my silence and introversion, that I can at times be the most myself. So while I want to be brave and put my most vulnerable self out there, I am still very much discovering what makes me tick and what makes me…well me.

Re-discovering my creative genius has given me space to finally be all the parts of me that I put away over the last 39 years. It is giving me the space to be in my wholeness. And while this is so fucking liberating, it can also feel very scary. it takes a lot of guts to be brave and to show up as our most authentic, raw self, what ever that is in that moment on that particular day. I applaud any and all people who are working on doing this in their lives. Brene Brown’s Netflix special on being brave, talks all about this and I watched it at such a poignant moment in my own realizations over these past few weeks. Brene says, “ It takes vulnerability to be courageous” and I would take it one step further and say, “It takes vulnerability to be truly courageous and it takes courage to un-earth our creative genius and allow it to have a front row seat within our lives.”

Deer Medicine

I love the quiet of the morning. It’s my favorite time of the day. The sun peeking through the windows, beginning to fill up each room. The long cuddles on the coach with my babies as we stretch our bodies and begin to wake up to the sounds and smells of the day. Its a new start, a fresh beginning and we get to experience every single day we are alive on this earth. As I write this, this morning; coffee in hand, I have the whole house to myself. This doesn’t come often when you have kids, but I have it today and I am revelling in it.

I had a very special morning with my son last week, while we were at the beach. For some ungodly reason he woke up every morning at 5:15 on the dot every single day we were there. I love the morning, but not till about 6:30 am. However, this one particular morning as we were sitting on the coach together, the only ones awake, sun peaking through the giant windows looking out to the front yard of the house; an entire family of dear came and began grazing on the lawn right in front of us. Xander and I just sat there in awe, mesmerized by the scene in front of us. It was like they came just for me and him. The male of the group looked up and could see us through the window and I swear he stared right at us for a solid minute. It was majestic.

These kinds of moments don’t happen all the time, its what makes them so very special. Its like in that moment everything aligns and you can literally feel the pulse of the planet and see the inner connectedness of us ALL. I live for these moments. The times when the confusion and fear of this life washes away and in your presence is the divinity of God/Creation. It’s why this year of rediscovering my genius is becoming so very very important to me. When we are able to witness the genius of god and all its creation as we move through this world, we begin to see it within ourselves.

The light that has always been on inside of me has begun to create a spot light on my gifts and it’s making me realize just how profoundly unique and individual I am, and in the same breath helping me to see how integral the expression of this uniqueness is for ALL of us. It’s not about perfection, its about expression; and all too often we don’t express ourselves authentically, because we are so caught up in doing it “right” and in being perfect.

The deer that Xander and I witnessed the other morning, were simply BE-ING a part of god’s creation, they were being the light and expression of their genius, which in their own way is medicine for this world. It certainly was medicine for me and Xander, because I think we went though our day and the remainder of our week feeling lighter and yet more grounded.

I guess my point here is this; When we allow ourselves to simply be in our genius, to simply be the authentic expressions of our souls desires, we become a healing light. We may never know who we are helping as we shine this light, but it is happening alway and in ALL ways. That family of deer were a gift for me and my boy that morning and were encouragement for me to keep being and to keep shining my light. They reinforced my mission of rediscovering my genius and just how important it is that I do just that.

*The meanings associated with the deer combine both soft, gentle qualities with strength and determination:

• Gentleness

• Ability to move through life and obstacles with grace

• Being in touch with inner child, innocence

• Being sensitive and intuitive

• Vigilance, ability to change directions quickly

• Magical ability to regenerate, being in touch with life’s mysteries

The Sadness

There is a sadness on our planet. A sadness that hurts so bad it causes us to shut down. So many of us are so crippled by this sadness, that we close our heart spaces so that we don’t have to feel it anymore or we try to exit this earth completely. We are all experiencing this on some level right now, whether we are tuned in or not. The earth is undergoing a giant healing and as its inhabitants so are we.

It is hard to be in the process of this, even though I am able to pull out and see it for all the good that it is. I still feel so much sadness. Sadness for my own personal struggles, but even more so for the struggles of the human race and of our planet. I don’t listen to the news, I haven’t for years. I am someone who tries to be very intentional about the media and information I consume and yet I still feel the sadness.

In the past I have run from this sadness. As an empath I am always feeling others emotional states, sometimes before even they are and it has taken a long time to understand what is mine and what isn't , but I still can get consumed. I spent most of my 20’s and 30’s running from this sadness. Changing my physical location, numbing out with drugs and/or alcohol, giving away my personal power so that I know longer had to be responsible for any of it. Even recently I found myself in therapy saying how much, “I hated feeling it,” but hating something doesn’t make it go away. Making something or someone the enemy, doesn’t make them go away. My sadness; Our sadness is one of our greatest allies. It is what allows us to become vulnerable and compassionate humans.

Rediscovering my genius has started to allow me space. This space has provided a sense of safety and has given me some much more grounded perspective and I’ve been able to start to say hello to my own sadness and to the collective sadness. I’ve been saying hello to the patterns and beliefs we have created for ourselves. Stories around our own personal wounds and the collectives. The ancestral wounds that get carried down for generations. The cultural wounds, that we so badly want to cover up, but no longer can. The abuse and manipulation. The misuse of power in the different ‘systems’ we have created and gotten accustom to over time. I’ve been saying hello to it all. I know there are so many others who are doing this exact same thing, I know we are out there. I know we understand that if we stop shutting the sadness out, but instead invite it in for a warm cup of tea. That if we begin to give it the space, warmth and safety it deserves. If we begin looking it in the eye, that we will inevitably help our planet to heal.

It starts within though, It starts with the individual. We can’t help anyone else to heal, if we aren’t first helping ourselves. My journey thus far in rediscovering my friend genius is providing this gift for me. I am fully understanding what it means to ‘show up for myself.’ To nurture my inner genius and my own unique blue print. I see how even though I am my own unique expression, I am a part of a greater genius, and that in order to play in this arena, I have to be able to see and accept the parts that aren’t so comfortable. I have to be able to say hello to the sadness and the wounding. It is our ability to feel our emotions that makes us such an intrinsic gift for this planet.

Im realizing that coming home to our genius is coming home to where it all started. To the beginning.

I hope that we all start to make our way home soon.

Nature's Wisdom

There is a tree in my neighborhood (woodland heights people know what tree i’m talking about) that has been calling to me since it started to bloom. Over the last few weeks as I drive past it on my way home from picking up Xander from school, it waves hello in all its majestic glory, telling me to come visit, even for just a moment. I’d say this was an odd occurrence (communing with tree’s and all) but those of us who are empathic to plant life know all too well, that they like everything on this planet have something important to say. A message to be received by those quiet enough to listen, and boy did this tree deliver.

Today I finally stopped as I was on my way to the grocery store. I pulled off the road before it really even registered to me what I was doing. I rolled down my window and said “hello,” I would have given it a hug had it not been in someones yard. HA! I can just hear it now, “Whose that crazy lady outside hugging our tree.” Anyway, I said hello (in my minds eye) and I asked this tree what its message was for me. It showed me its magic, and its faerie ways. It told me about being a seeker, a seeker of magic in our day to day living. You see this tree is only this way for a few weeks out of the year and if you aren’t paying attention its beautiful pink flowers are gone and while it is still a stunning creation to be hold without them, when they are there it is pure natural beauty. It told me about how I need to keep being a seeker. Don’t ever stop, because even when things are dark and confusing, all you have to do is look for the light. Look for the magic. It also told me that I was exactly where I needed to be and to trust in the process. Pretty profound message eh?!

You see I am from Richmond, VA. My soul chose to be born here and sometimes I don’t understand this, because I don’t always feel a soul resonance to this land, like I do when I am in the South and North west and central coast. However I and my family (children included) have Karma here in Richmond to continue working on and while I know this is a far fetched idea to process, I know its true for us. Im not talking about negative karma, I’m simply talking about Karma in the sense of healing that needs to take place. So here we are anchored in the light right smack in the middle of Richmond VA. While there is so much to love, I still get confused and feel negativity around being here. So this message from this beautiful tree was so perfect for me and held soul much truth.

Since I have been convening more with my genius, I am way more tapped in to EVERYTHING, which at times can feel a bit exhausting, however it makes everything feel so much more alive and makes the creation process so much more exciting. I am so glad that I have been going through this process and had it not been for VA, Im not sure I’d be doing it. So thank you beautiful tree and thank you mother nature for your ever present beauty, love and wisdom always being a reflection of my own inner light and love.

Relationships

I have been married going on 12 years; together for 14. It is not the happily ever after that I was told about as a child. I say this, not because we aren’t happy and creating a wonderful life together, but because it is (like all relationships) something within our lives that we as a duo are constantly having to tend to and work on. As partners in this life, Matt and I are mirrors for one another and as we grow and change we are constantly triggering the different parts within ourselves that need love and attention; essentially the parts of ourselves that need healing. So many people hit these challenging times in their marriages or partnerships and think because it’s not easy anymore it must mean it’s not right, and they jump ship. Funny part about that is, when we jump ship from something that feels challenging instead of working through it, we always find the challenge in someone or something else.

Now I was in an unhealthy relationship in my early 20’s, that definitely bordered on abusive. There is a difference between working through something together and simply putting up with intolerable behavior. Intuitively we know when something isn’t working anymore and it’s best to move on. It took me a few years to listen to that tiny voice and to know that I was worthy of more than this particular individual was able to provide for me. However that relationship was perfect, because it was a great teacher for me. I will always have love and respect for the person who shared it wth me, he taught me what I wanted and what I did not want in a partner. It was the end of that relationship that then opened the door for me to creating a life that felt like it was all mine and then finding a partner who matched that vision.

But lets talk about that vision, because our dreams and visions are always growing and morphing. Changing to fit our hearts as we open them more and more to new possibilities. It is directly linked to our genius and what our genius is desiring to create in this life and as we allow our genius to have front and center stage in our day to day we are able to get clarity on our dreams as they change. As I have been exploring this idea and allowing my own genius the space to make her presence known, she is helping to paint an even bigger picture and dream for myself and my family, however being that I am in a partnership; it is so imperative that I am sharing these visions with Matt and giving his genius that space and time to see it for himself and to add to it. This process can get frustrating, because it creates a “growth period” for you, your partner and your relationship; and growth periods aren’t comfortable, In fact they are the opposite of comfortable. However part of letting your genius out to play more often is about getting uncomfortable in ways that push you to grow in your intuitive and creative endeavors. There are many quotes around this subject, just google comfort zone quotes and you will find many celebrities, billionaires, CEO’s and so on who have something to say about this. Truth is if we aren’t uncomfortable at times than we simply aren’t growing.

My husband and I had a conversation about this just last night, reflecting on all the ways that we have been challenged and yet still reached our goals and brought our vision to life. We’ve worked for the last 5 years on building his business, which is now thriving. We started off with nothing, putting everything on credit to get him started. We had a second kid and moved cross country within that five years. It has been extremely challenging at times for both of us and it has helped us to grow not only in ourselves, but our marriage and the vision we share; because truth is shit gets hard in life and if we don’t hold a vision for ourselves; one that is worth being challenged for, than we simply give up.

Matt and I have a vision; one that is built on a strong foundation and consists of time and financial freedom for ourselves and for our family; but we also have an even larger vision for our community and for this planet. A lot of the details are very unclear and sometimes shit gets confusing and anxiety can ensue, but when this happens we bring it back in and we get back to basics. What I am so profoundly realizing through this project of mine is that, ”Going back to basics” is actually coming home to our genius and living our lives from that space of alignment; because when we do this, that grand vision we hold doesn’t seem so unattainable. When life gets challenging and when the mundaneness of everyday living gets the best of us, we don’t give up, because we are fueled by our genius, which is pure nutrients for our body, minds and souls.

Spring

The clocks have moved forward (insert choice curse word) and the days are slowly starting to feel longer. All the while hints of color are popping up around the neighborhood as life is beginning to stir again. Spring is coming!

I had my door open yesterday in my home, letting the cool spring air rush in; removing any of the stale energy that sat lurking in the corners. My son and daughter came home smelling of mud and earth; a day well spent outside in the sun. I coulnd’t help but keep smelling them. Xander was very perplexed by my laps of sanity. I love this time of year. There is this moment when you don’t think you can handle another day of winter and then all of sudden it breaks. The earth crosses a threshold and you feel the life coming back into the air. Just when you thought you were going to lose your fucking mind….SNAP…..Its over.

My winter this year has gone out with a bang, leaving me out cold on my ass for three days with the flu. WTF! Horrible, however ever so perfect. The grandparents took over and had the kids for three days, leaving me to rest and get better. Even though I felt like utter shit, it was also ABSOLUTELY glorious (I know you mom’s out their feel me)! I laid in my bed with my essential oil diffusers (yes that is plural) going, drank several cups of lemon and honey, and took several baths; all the while catching up on all the Netflix I had missed out on. I netflixed and chilled for 3 days.

Slowly I started to feel better and it seemed as though as my body started to re-emrge from the dead so to did the earth. As I walked around the neighborhood yesterday I could see the daffodils that had bloomed in people’s yards, as well as the Japanese Maple Trees with there beautiful pink blossoms. The change in seasons is miraculous and is such a wonderful mirror for our own growth and change. Nothing is meant to stay the same, even our genius which we were innately born with grows and changes. That is why it is so important that we pay attention.

It is very easy to miss the changing of the seasons. If you aren’t tuned in, its over before you know it, or its like it never even happened. Just like the changing of the seasons is our planets genius whispering softly across the land, so too is our own genius at work; and man is it so important that we give it the space and time it deserves to play and have resonance in our lives.

I love you Spring!

I love you Virginia!

I love you Genius!

Ceremonial Living

Ceremony….

What does it mean to you? A lot of us will immediately think of weddings or graduations; a time when we felt that we were worthy of a ceremony, because it marked a huge milestone in our life and was a mark of ‘growth.’ Had you asked me 5 years ago what I thought ceremony was I would have thought about my own graduation and wedding. However since having kids and watching my life speed up as it inevitably does when you become a parent, Ive started really pondering the idea of ceremony and why as a society do we only limit it to the “BIG” day or after ‘earning’ our degree.

The conclusion that I have come to and has been fueled by a conscious collective thought, is that

LIFE IS CEREMONY!

This concept has gotten totally lost on western society. Indigenous cultures understand this so intrinsically. Everything they do or did has intention behind it and is carried out in ceremony. From the minute they wake and place their feet on the earth, there is gratitude for the day.

Honestly creating ceremony in our lives is truly a simple flip of the lens. Its part of what I have been experiencing over the last five years since having children and what I have been trying to put words to as I have been rediscovering my long lost friendship with my genius, Guinevere.

GRATITUDE is a huge part of living life in ceremony. Truly feeling grateful for the breath you take when you first wake. Feeling your heart warm as you watch your kids walk down the stairs in their pjs, holding their lovies on a lazy Saturday morning. It’s all worth celebrating and the mundaneness of life starts to look so much more colorful when we start to see things this way. Now more than ever, I understand that Ceremony is actually living our lives with aligned intention. That when we start to create moments of ceremony through out our days, honoring all that we are in that very moment, things start to feel a lot different. When we stop just mindlessly going about our day, tossing and tumbling through each moment and start being intentional about our thoughts and actions….Life becomes something worth living.

I love crystals, candles, oracle cards, flowers and buddha statues. I literally have mini alters all over my house. Each one housing some of the said items above as well as pictures of my loved ones and other trinkets that I love. I am your quintessential spiritual/hippie stereo type and I have been this way since I can remember. I have always been drawn to the natural elements. However I don’t believe you need any of these items to be able to tap in to your genius and begin living life intentionally, therefor ceremonially. You don’t need to be a crystal wearing, flower child to understand this concept and begin implementing it into your daily life.

I believe ceremonial living is 100% directly tied to connecting with our genius.

It begins with cutting out the unnecessary noise and allowing oneself to get truly quiet and it ends with learning how to feel complete gratitude for all of it. And in the in-between it is about taking time out to intentionally honor your life (even the shitty parts) and your gifts (Gwenny) and in turn honoring the lives and gifts of others; When we start to do this we are honoring the life of the planet and this beautiful gift that she is providing for all of us.

Here’s to ceremonial living!

Alone = All-One

Loneliness….

It is a worldwide epidemic. No matter what your bank account, your marital status, or friend count on Facebook says. We are more than ever experiencing loneliness. What’s interesting about this is that very few people are actually willing to talk about it, because to feel Lonely is to be vulnerable and weak. People feel shame around loneliness, because it hits our core collective picture of unworthiness and not being wanted by society at large. If we are alone and feeling lonely than we are separate from.

The truth is we are ALL experiencing loneliness. Being someone like myself who is an introvert, I choose to be by myself a lot and I hold a select few individuals close to my heart. But essentially I love people and consider myself to be warm and inviting, but I crave time to myself, yet I still feel loneliness. My point is that whether you are actually alone or surrounded by people all the time, it doesn’t matter, loneliness will creep in. I know a lot of people who are happily single, happily married, no kids, 10 kids, super spiritual, atheist, religious, adventurous so on and so on……and I can guaranty that every single one of them experiences loneliness. Why is this?

What’s interesting is that ALONE can be Broken up as ALL-ONE, its like it’s the one thing that we all have in common, yet it’s the one thing we are constantly running from and ashamed to ever talk about with each other. Maybe if we talked about it more, it would open up the vulnerable sides of ourselves; which ultimately, when we are able to be vulnerable with someone, there is a sense of real connection, a soul to soul recognition that goes beyond our human bodies. Its what we are all craving and yet what so many of us are running from.

So what does loneliness have to do with our creative genius? Well a lot actually. As a society we are so damn scared of loneliness and of being alone, we rarely allow ourselves to just be. We keep doing, doing, doing to feel like we are always “accomplishing” something in order to feel worthy; when in truth a lot of the time we need to just be ‘be-ing’. Less doing and more being and when we allow ourselves to slow down, tune in and simply be; we begin to create space for our genius. I know Guinevere had a lot to say once I started giving her the space to have a voice in my life.

Creating space can be lonely and at times you will most definitely feel all alone, I know this from my own experience; but what it also does is allow for the space to shine your brilliance out into the world and the capacity to see it reflecting back at you. Life truly does start to feel easier and in that ease, everything gets a little brighter.

And ultimately you are not alone.

Love and Light Friends!

Social Media

Social Media was fun and exciting, till it wasn’t anymore. I realize I am not really saying anything new here, but wanted to explain my own experience with social media as I feel it is a vital part to my story of rediscovering my amazing, creative GENIUS. Now let me start by saying that I know A LOT of people who use social media in the most beautiful way. They use it to spread their own unique message of love and through media they have helped so many people to view the world differently and in a more positive/reflective way. I honor those individuals and I am sure they have had their own personal battles with social media that comes with the territory. I considered myself to be one of those people, but still found myself falling victim to behaviors that if I am honest with myself, am ashamed of. For me, being as sensitive/empathic as I am in my daily existence, I realized two things were happening while mindlessly scrolling Facebook or instagram. One was that I was unintentional viewing, so I wasn’t guarded intuitively like I normally would be in public and social settings; so I was absorbing ALL the emotions that were happening on my feed by all these individuals, but also tapping into the collective’s emotional state, which honestly right now with everything going on in the world is rather intense. It left me drained and would give me great anxiety, why it took me so long to understand this, is beyond me; however it shows just how addictive it can be.

The second thing I realized I was falling victim to is comparison. I consider myself to be a supportive friend who genuinely loves to see my friends and colleagues succeed. I love to see pictures of their beautiful families, travels, artwork and anything else they may be up to. However even being super positive and supportive on social media, I still found myself comparing my life to EVERYONE else’s; honestly, its practically impossible not to for any of us and in a lot ways it is what fuels us to make the changes we need/want to in our lives, so there is that, but when we are taking in so much information about others choices, we lose sight of what it is we really want and what is truly aligned for our souls purpose.

For someone who has very intentionally created a wonderful life for myself and my family, and has done a lot of work around intuition and self awareness; My use of social media was causing me to feel lost, confused and at times alone. I know for sure that many others understand this very well. Comparing yourself to others is not only absolutely exhausting it is insanely overwhelming; because one person can’t possibly be ALL the things and be doing ALL the things, nor should they. Sure it’s great to pop your bubble and see whats out there in the world so you can broaden your horizon and have an understanding of life outside of yours; but social media is that concept on steroids, not to mention everyone is putting their best selves out there, so no one is seeing the “hard” side of life or even the daily grind.

I found when I deleted Facebook and drastically cut down my use of Instagram, that my own love for my life and what I was creating was able to be first and for most. I was no longer unintentionally placing any of my sacred energy on other people, their lives and their creative endeavors. It’s what has allowed the space for me to finally convene with my genius and to unabashedly let her out to play.

Now I still have an instagram account, that I rarely find myself on and am still in debate about whether to delete it all together or to keep it as a place to stay in touch with people I love, store my most sacred photographs and to sell my pottery (social media certainly has its positives). All can be done in other places and in other ways though; however this is the place I find myself and I believe many others are finding themselves. So my journey with social media isn’t over yet.

We see how beneficial social media is, but also see how destructive it has become. So finding the balance and whats right for each individual is best. I here a lot of talk about being very intentional about our use and treating it as a sacred space, which I believe is very good advice. However, I consider myself an intentional and intuitive individual who has worked very hard on boundaries and still find all that progress get lost on social media. As we evolve along side technology we will be facing off with a lot of these questions and observations as to what is healthy and what is not.

All I know for sure is that the simpler things are the better things feel. When we over complicate, over think, over work ourselves we over indulge in addictive behavior…period. Cutting out/down on social media helped me to simplify my thoughts, which ultimately helped me simplify my life and when things became more simple, they became more easy, and when they became more easy, I was able to relax and align and in that space I have been able to be present and presence is key for our genius to exist.

Two Months IN...

It has been two months since I began re-discovering my genius and while a lot of the time I have been living my normal day to day, which like anyone in this world, is rather mundane; I have also been starting to see my life in a more artistic and beautiful way. It has been a subtle change of the lens, but the colors seem to be getting brighter and the flow of my days seem to be getting more easy. Nothing has really changed except for me. In learning how to have more alignment and access to my genius, I have had to let go of control in a lot of ways. Our society, because of all the fear and struggle that we live in daily, feels the need to be in control of everything…all the time. We don’t even realize that we are doing it, because it’s so engrained in us. The truth is however, that we have absolutely no control of anything except our own thoughts, actions and reactions and essentially our own behaviors.

As i’ve pulled my energy in and operated from my own energetic alignment (aka my genius), Ive found my need to control everything else and everyone else dissipate, or at least I have become much more conscious of when I’m doing it. It may take me a minute to realize i’m doing it, but I’ve been able to let go much faster, which has deepened my level of trust in the universe/divine/god; because ultimately there is a much larger story being played out and if I choose to be a more easeful player, than my own story changes from one of struggle and fear, to one of joy and abundance. What I have found when I begin to really operate from my own creative genius and stop trying to compare myself to or control others is that everything feels sOUL much better.

I highly recommend giving it a try. Truly life changing even if nothing has really changed at all except the lens I am viewing things from.

Long Beach, California

This was to be my home. When we moved from LA down to Long Beach, our intention was to make this our forever home or at least until we decided it wasn’t. We poured our hearts into making Long Beach home and I spent many days soaking up its love. I also spent many days confused, because it felt like it was fleeting and sure enough it was. We spent 3 years in long beach and now are on year 2 of being in Richmond. Not sure why but I feel like I am finally truly grieving the loss of Long Beach and the dream we had created there. My heart hurts so bad sometimes when I think about it. When I think about riding my bike in the sun and walking by the beach. Palm tress and sun kissed days. It was such a meaningful time for us and our little family and when our family began to grow, we new it was time to go and while our new home and dream is soul AMAZING, I miss what was. Right now I miss it and sometimes feel very sad and confused, however as I allow myself the space to grieve, I begin to allow more space for all the amazingness that our new life has to offer. It is absolutely beautiful and perfect, it just isn’t what I thought was to be.

The universe works in strange ways and reminds us that while we think we have it “all figured out” we most certainly do not and sometimes (all the time) we simply have to trust in the process and in the unfoldment of our lives and the purpose we came here for. I’m finding that this process is imperative in nurturing our genius. If we are always wondering, “what if” than we are never satisfied with “what is” and its in the present of what is that our genius thrives. Moving back to where I started my journey this lifetime has been super imperative for me in that it has helped me to SLOW down and embrace “what is.” Some days I feel like I grasp this full heartedly and some days I feel it slipping threw my hands like sand as I get swept up in memories. More often than not lately, especially as I let my creative genius sore, I am finding myself right here in the present and as I look around I am in awe of what me and my family have created. It is beautiful, loving, gentle and flowing, always flowing in the creative abyss that is our hOMe.

Long Beach will always be in my heart, especially as I honor my grief. It is what made my husband and I truly step into our authentic selves, I am so grateful it was our home for the time that it was.

My Notes

These are my notes and questions that I started to write when I was beginning to explore this concept…

Genius

How does one discover their gifts, their genius?

It is essential for the human race that we all discover our inate genuis

For when we discover what we are here to give to the world through us we heal our own lives and then inadvertently begin to heal our families and our communities and essentially the entire world

Why as children do we seem to have such an understanding if these gifts that then get lost as we grow older?

Some of us are continue seeking and some of us give up seeking out things to fill the pain of not expressing ourselves fully.

This is what causes addiction, this is what causes people to live in fear and pain.

For if we were all fully expressed in our naturally abilities.

If we allowed our genius to move through us

If we opened our taps and allowed the divine light to work through us…

*Our world would be at peace

*There would be no need to for fear and for competition

*We would honor each other for what we bring to the table of life

*Everyone would be serving their purpose therefor serving humanity

How does one help children to fully step into their gifts and nurture them so that when they grow up they understand how to use them to fully express themselves?

To fully express their genius?

Passion
Curiosity
Resiliency
Are the things that lead us to be in passioned viable humans and helps us tap into our genius.

Part of tapping into your genius is being mindful of the present moment. That is how the genius can flow...Intention without expectation
How does a child access their genius?

Children naturally are their genius, especially if they grow up in environments that nurture their creativity.

Girls Weekend

I drove to Northern Va. this past weekend, where I caught up with two of my best friends from Art School. It had probably been almost 10 years since the three of us really got to spend a significant amount of time together, however these are the kind of friendships that pick right back off where they left off. The kind that you feel safe with and that you know always have your back no matter what. I felt serious soul rejuvenation after spending time with them and I know they did too. I didn’t even realize that I had been so desperately craving this kind of connection….

We drank lots of tea, walked/talked through cute shops, ate amazing food, went to the spa, smoked a little cannabis and shared some of our greatest challenges and successes over the years. My Genius was having so much fun and was like a kid in a candy store being around these beautiful, heart centered women. She was timid at first, but then as I relaxed she began to let her freak flag fly and let it all hang out! IT FELT SO GOOD!

In all my quiet over the last year, I have been very selective of who I spend my time with. Also being in a city that I haven’t lived in, in over a decade, I am still getting to know people and catch up with old friends. However my point is; that having friendships that feel like a warm hug, is so imperative when trying to stay in alignment and this weekend was just that!

When I got into my car to drive the two hours to Alexandria, my cars gas mileage was at 111 miles left and the time was 11:11 am. Then on my way to take my daughter to my parents there was this tiny random rainbow in the sky. Like it was there just for me. Once we were all together we continued to notice little signs of divine assistance and love through hearts in the cement, friendly people we met, animals that crossed our path and more angel numbers. It was truly a divine coming together and Guinevere couldn’t have been happier.

Here’s to amazing friendship that last through time and space!

Charlie

In July we said good bye to our sweet and loyal pup, Charlie. Charlie was with us for 13 years. Matt and I got him when we moved in together right after we got engaged to be married. He traveled all over with us and did two cross country moves, one out to California and one back to Virginia. He was with us through the birth of both our children and so much more. He represented a major chapter in mine and my husbands lives and him dying marked the end of that time.

Since then I not only have been grieving the loss of charlie, but i’ve been grieving the end of the beginning. 2019 marks a truly new beginning for myself. Charlie left a giant gapping hole in our family, however it also created space, space i didn’t know i needed until I got it. By using this space that I now have by exploring my genius, I feel I am honoring Charlie. He understood this for me, in a way I couldn’t myself. He gave me the gift of spaciousness when he said goodbye and while I still miss him everyday, I know all is perfect and exactly as it needs to be.

So in honor of Charles Brown Pussy Feather the 3rd Esquire,

Here’s to re-discovering my friend Genius!

Winter

Its cold here in Virginia; like I unlocked my car, but still couldn’t get it open because it was frozen shut, cold. I lived in California for 10 years so its this time of year that I deeply question my decision. HA!

But winter is such a beautiful season, one that I desperately missed actually while living in 70 degree year round weather. I missed the pause that nature so brilliantly allowed for, for 3 months of the year. I missed cold and sunny days, with my scarf and cups of tea. I missed fire places and the coziness that ensues when the weather is to terrible to even go out. But what I missed most was the quiet. It gets quiet in the winter, we tend to go inward whether we are conscious of it or not. People aren’t as social. There is a deep reflection that takes place during this time, and also a re-appearance of creative genius that reveals its self. A lot of us choose to ignore this and we become “depressed” during these quieter months, mainly because we aren’t honoring our genius and letting it out to play, like it so desperately wants. Mother Nature has slowed down so why cant we. Mother nature is busy underground creating what is to become the spring, so why cant we be doing the same.

Winter in VA, while it can feel lonely at times has been a great teacher for me and has been the perfect Segway into re-discovering my genius (Guinevere). The quiet has allowed me to play with my innate creativity. I have been more creative in the last month than I have in a very long time. So while I miss Sunny and 70, I am reveling in what the winter has blessed me with.

Thank You winter! Thank You Virginia! Thank You Universe.

Love and Light!

Commitment

Commitment….

I have had a hard time fully committing to a lot of things in my life. Its like I always have my shoes on ready to bail, whenever the time comes. Now this has certainly served me in the past, because Ive never stayed too long in situations that were no longer good for me. However my one foot in and one foot out attempt at life is no longer serving me and thats great, because I am no longer interested in this way of living. So clever how everything comes together when its time. I am ready to commit. Commit to myself, which inevitably is a commitment to everything else I love in my life….like my marriage, my kids, my home, my city, my life, my creative endeavors, my career, and so on.

I opened this blog this morning and thought, “maybe i should stop” and then I thought about my commitment to myself and to this process of allowing space and time for gwenny to re appear in my life in a more permanent residency.

Committing to myself and showing up for myself is challenging, it takes a lot of persistence, because things will get mundane and boring, but man does it feel good to be committed. There is a peace within me that I haven’t felt, probably ever. I am fully committed to me for the first time, all in to making myself and my life shiny and bright and for letting my freak flag (aka Genius) SOAR!

Just For Me

“This is all crap….”

That is what went through my consciousness when I opened this blog today.

“Why the fuck am I writing/doing this and who the fuck am I writing/doing this for.”

Well,… the short answer is me, for the first time in my life I am doing this for me. So that I have a place to go and spill out all that is going on for me as I allow myself to embody my creative genius (Guinevere ;)). For me, and Im sure many others it has become so easy to get caught up in doing things to seek approval. Recently, I’ve become acutely aware of this patterning inside me. I have found in the past that I have always done things so that I have something to identify with, so that when others ask “what are you up to” I can say this that and the other and I feel worthy in a world that is all about success, and then that leads to the other pattern, which is one of competition with other women, which ultimately leads to self sabotage. I can go through every single “success” that I have had since graduating college, through out my teaching career and since quitting teaching; and there has always been someone (always another woman) that I have unconsciously deemed the enemy. This person may have started off as a friendship that then turned unhealthy, or a colleague that I thought was in the wrong, but inevitably my ego was constantly wanting to be better than them, so I would make them the “bad person.” Now some of this was me learning how to be an empath in a world that still has a lot of narcissism and some of these relationships became unhealthy and did need to end, but why would I link that to my own self worth and identity and why would I allow it to sabotage my success. Or was it all leading me to this moment.

Yep it was all leading me to now.

Thanks ego?