This was to be my home. When we moved from LA down to Long Beach, our intention was to make this our forever home or at least until we decided it wasn’t. We poured our hearts into making Long Beach home and I spent many days soaking up its love. I also spent many days confused, because it felt like it was fleeting and sure enough it was. We spent 3 years in long beach and now are on year 2 of being in Richmond. Not sure why but I feel like I am finally truly grieving the loss of Long Beach and the dream we had created there. My heart hurts so bad sometimes when I think about it. When I think about riding my bike in the sun and walking by the beach. Palm tress and sun kissed days. It was such a meaningful time for us and our little family and when our family began to grow, we new it was time to go and while our new home and dream is soul AMAZING, I miss what was. Right now I miss it and sometimes feel very sad and confused, however as I allow myself the space to grieve, I begin to allow more space for all the amazingness that our new life has to offer. It is absolutely beautiful and perfect, it just isn’t what I thought was to be.
The universe works in strange ways and reminds us that while we think we have it “all figured out” we most certainly do not and sometimes (all the time) we simply have to trust in the process and in the unfoldment of our lives and the purpose we came here for. I’m finding that this process is imperative in nurturing our genius. If we are always wondering, “what if” than we are never satisfied with “what is” and its in the present of what is that our genius thrives. Moving back to where I started my journey this lifetime has been super imperative for me in that it has helped me to SLOW down and embrace “what is.” Some days I feel like I grasp this full heartedly and some days I feel it slipping threw my hands like sand as I get swept up in memories. More often than not lately, especially as I let my creative genius sore, I am finding myself right here in the present and as I look around I am in awe of what me and my family have created. It is beautiful, loving, gentle and flowing, always flowing in the creative abyss that is our hOMe.
Long Beach will always be in my heart, especially as I honor my grief. It is what made my husband and I truly step into our authentic selves, I am so grateful it was our home for the time that it was.