It has been a few weeks since Ive written anything. There has been a major growth period going on for me and my husband and essentially are little family. I have felt all the feels, but mostly for me growth periods are extremely uncomfortable until the bubble finally pops or the ceiling finally breaks and you can move more ease-fully into your new spaciousness, however until then shit gets funky.
I am starting to finally feel like I am almost on the other side and for me this is when the dust begins to settle and there is a new level of clarity on certain aspects of my life that begin to appear. A way of seeing things that I simply hadn’t before. Allowing my creative genius to have more of a voice within my life has inadvertently brought to the surface many old fears and belief patterns and like a ninja for the light I have been energetically trying to dispose of these fears. However what Im realizing about myself is that it is time to actually sink in, instead of run away. My fear is only as great as the power I allow it to have and when I run away from it or try to eradicate it from my life, it tends to get bigger and louder. So I have been sinking in and journeying through the shadows and in this journey I have simply found my most authentic voice.
It is scary to be our most authentic selves. It feels safer to hold parts of us back, because then if someone doesn’t like us, well we can chalk it up to, “They Didn’t ‘really’ know me.” However if we’re putting our whole selves out there, then the rejection becomes a lot more real and can be down right scary. On the flip side of this though, when we choose to put our whole self out there for people to get to know, then those that resinate with us can cultivate true love and respect with in their relationship with us, therefor deepening the connections we have within our lives.
I realize that there is a lot about what makes me unique and different that I keep to myself. Like so many of us, I am fearful of being rejected for how I see and move through the world, that I simply keep a lot to myself (until I meet someone who speaks my language, then you can’t get me to stop talking). However as I’ve been tapping in to my creative voice; to my inner genius, I have been uncovering all of these ‘hidden’ gifts that I didn’t even know I had or had simply forgotten about. Part of that is realizing that it is in my silence and introversion, that I can at times be the most myself. So while I want to be brave and put my most vulnerable self out there, I am still very much discovering what makes me tick and what makes me…well me.
Re-discovering my creative genius has given me space to finally be all the parts of me that I put away over the last 39 years. It is giving me the space to be in my wholeness. And while this is so fucking liberating, it can also feel very scary. it takes a lot of guts to be brave and to show up as our most authentic, raw self, what ever that is in that moment on that particular day. I applaud any and all people who are working on doing this in their lives. Brene Brown’s Netflix special on being brave, talks all about this and I watched it at such a poignant moment in my own realizations over these past few weeks. Brene says, “ It takes vulnerability to be courageous” and I would take it one step further and say, “It takes vulnerability to be truly courageous and it takes courage to un-earth our creative genius and allow it to have a front row seat within our lives.”
