I turned 39 a few weeks ago. Not necessarily a milestone birthday, we certainly didn’t do anything fancy for it; however this birthday has felt significantly different from the rest. There is an understanding of self, an integrating of the soul and the ego, and a letting go that has been transpiring within this body that has never quite happened before. Ive talked a lot through out this blog about the quieting that has happened since beginning my journey of rediscovering my genius, I think its been this quiet that has truly allowed me to integrate all my selves…ego and all. It feels wildly uncomfortable at times and insanely liberating all in the same breath.
Because of this, I haven’t written anything this month. Every time I went to share it all felt too much to be able to put into words. I was “in it” over these last few weeks. In a growth period that has felt like a storm, tossing me around emotionally like a piece of paper in the wind. On the outside all was well, life just kept moving forward as it always does, but inside it was like everything froze except the frenzy in my heart space. I lost my way a bit, and I forgot how very divinely connected I am. I forgot that all is perfect and exactly as it should be. I’ve been trying to force my future be something based on my past, instead of allowing it to be what it desires to be; something new and refreshing. It’s like i’ve been trying to put on shoes that no longer fit my feet; pushing and shoving, instead of passing them on gently to someone whose feet fit just right.
While growth periods are extremely uncomfortable and I’d sometimes rather not experience them….EVER, I also know through experience, that they are SO IMPORTANT. So today I come to the surface, on the other side of the storm and in my new clarity I realize that today I am going to the store and I am going to buy myself the shiniest, brightest pair of new shoes that fit just right! While my past serves me greatly and has helped me to cultivate all the experience and wisdom I have to date, it is not what I should base my future on. My future wants space to breath and be. It wants new experiences and creative endeavors. It wants to go to new places and when it visits the old, it wants to see and experience them with new vision.
My past is gone and will never return, and for that I am very sad; however my present is solid and based on a rooted foundation, which is allowing me to create an exciting, colorful and creative future. My Genius has never been happier, she is beaming from ear to ear with all the creative energy that is now flowing. There is so much to look forward to and now that I am finally letting go, I am able to breath in the fresh Summer air and see my world for what it is….PURE GENIUS!
